You have heard about Red Flags – well here are some good, healthy green flags to help any relationship work well.
Even if you don’t do all of these for your partner – and let’s face it – it has to start with YOU, as its only you that can change things… taking on some as a daily practice or project will make a difference.
So let’s look at these in more depth shall we?
Imagine how it feels if you had a demanding child with you ALL the time (and some of you may!)… tiring, annoying, stressful. Now what if that child had grown up and still demanded just as much time and effort from you?
One of the key markers of growing up and developing is that each individual becomes more adept at self management and self-responsibility.
They make decisions for themselves – they can entertain themselves – they can do stuff without the constant need for praise. I am sure you also know someone who hasn’t given up the “apron strings” very well yet too. I do! What of that person was you?
Co-dependent relationships develop because self-sufficiency was never encouraged and developed. That is a key learning tool for children – letting go and inducing self-reliability and self-sufficiency is vital tool to teach – for yourself and them. They don’t need smothering – it won’t help them in the World!
Practice Self Care
This doesn’t have to mean go to a spa every month or out to a swanky dinner! It can be as simple as find five minutes quiet time – over a drink, or hug a tree on a dog walk, or admire your table flowers with no “I must do…” thoughts going on in your head! Get really interested in the beauty around you.
It can also mean agreeing to have just “You Time” – to luxuriate in a bath, do a complete face cleaning routine, get a regular massage or sing because you can and its great for your self-esteem and lungs too!
One of the most important is to have a regular Osteopathic “MOT” or service (or using another therapy, to keep you in tip top health and fine tune you physically, mentally and emotionally. (Perhaps buy a gift voucher and give when you can see your partner is need of support that you can’t offer.)
Get some healthy hobbies
Let your imagination rip! My favourite one is to take the dog for a walk or cycle ride and enjoy our shared pleasure for being outside in the countryside! We both smile and appreciate our togetherness!
If you are going to have several hobbies – pick at least one outside active option. I sail and garden, but it could be another sport or activity.
Creating hobbies – patchwork, artwork, rope knotting, DIY etc all engage our imagination and creativity. They are an important part of exercising parts of our brain that may not ordinarily used. The more they extend your skills the better too. Just make sure they give you pleasure and fun.
Honour your boundaries and theirs
Everyone should have their own boundaries, both in and outside of their primary relationship.
It could be to cultivate your own interests. Or within a “marriage” – what you find acceptable in behaviour and what isn’t. Being clear about those for yourself, and also your partners boundaries, will allow harmony vs angst and irritation.
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© Gayle Palmer Living Elements Clinic December 2020