Stressing about a party? – delegate!
The idea of holding a party or larger gathering for friends or family is a fabulous way to get related, share food and company and create generational memories.
It can also create a lot of anxiety and stress for the host(s). The art to avoiding this is preparation and delegation. In this post I will share my top tips, so that everyone wins.
Smaller families and less opportunities to get together over the last few years means that everyone has less practice to create a group effort for a successful party.
It also means that there is more pressure on the host to “get it right” and have it be perfect as it’s likely to be a high importance / significance event. eg Christmas, Anniversary, “Big” birthday party, even wedding.
Yes? – but you guessed it – that is setting yourself up for impossibly high standards and a good percentage chance of failing – and all the upset that this causes. So let’s win at the game instead shall we?.. This guide can get tweaked for ANY occasion too.
“Can I help?”
Depending on the event – often guests will ask if they “can help” or contribute?
e.g Can I bring a dish, some wine, do you want me to bake a cake or do some flowers etc….
say “YES, please!” and then work out exactly what to request or accept later! See below.
BEFORE the OCCASION – pre-planning really. i.e. what you want!
Get a couple of large sheets of paper and a pen, or several coloured pens / Post it notes!
Get really clear on your INTENTIONS and OUTCOMES for the event eg how do you want people to FEEL, what MEMORIES will they take with them? Or even what momentos you want them to have. Write them down – this is esp important as planning can go off course – and this resets things easily and quickly.
Get CLARITY on what location, meal type, theme or similar is desired. eg beach theme, coloured theme, event type, person or experience orientated event? Get the idea? Write them down in a book for safekeeping! – so you remember, can use again another time, incl lists of suppliers / guests / what worked and what didn’t etc. Use plenty of pages for different aspects of the planning or create a visual board. Helps when creating lists. There is a LOT of work in this, so don’t skimp on this part!
Are you going to involve others eg wedding planner or friends at this stage? Sometimes this helps, sometimes it muddies the waters.
HAVE SOME RULES – e.g no smoking in house, no children invited, no phones at table, wear only one colour , no-one out by pool after 10pm, disco music turned down by 11pm etc Print them out for all to see if necessary. Stick to them!
I am going to assume that you now have a meal plan (at least of sorts), got your venue, theme, lists of guests and other lists now eg serving staff or neighbours / family already set up – even if its only partial.
Now it is DELEGATION PREPARATION TIME.
Some of the tasks can immediately be given to certain people eg they have offered to make or prep part of the meal. HURRAY!
Thank them, give precise instructions for how many it is to feed, if they need to provide a serving dish (how big?) or you have one. When it will arrive – will it need heating up? Does the have to allow for special dietary needs eg gluten free, vegan, no yeast etc! Where should they put it?
Who is the meringue queen or BBQ king? Who is great at carving or serving vegetables? Children do well serving rolls and they love to help!
TOP TIP! Have them make up a paper serviette just a bit larger than the size of the dish – and around the edge of it
write what the dish is
ingredients list
dietary limitations / allergens contained within it.
Put their name in the middle of the piece of paper/serviette so you know who the dish has to get returned to, or if there are queries – or even just so you can thank them personally.
The “serviette” can then be placed where the dish will go eg centre of table / by BBQ etc and you know how much space there will then be. Clever huh?
Have someone bring or organise:
napkins – and fold as necessary in advance ready for the table setting
drinks – allow for nos and event type eg juice, beer, cider, wine, champers, water – sparkling and still. Additions – sliced lemons, toothpicks for decorating, parasols, straws. Be precise again. Ice and bucket. Glasses? Glass or recyclable or plastic?
Have someone help with setting up the drinks station – where will the spares get stored? Who will take requests / serve them, and for how long? Self service or served? Ice replenish and from where? Where will the empty bottles and rubbish go? Who takes them to the recycling bin and waste bin and when?
Help with decorating e.g flowers or bunting or lighting or ???
Moving furniture around as necessary, placing extra chairs, checking for trip hazards
Music! Get someone to handle this – a teenager or young adult. Give them plenty of time to create a play list and set up.
Make up fire in fireplace and have spare wood / coal available. Someone needs to manage this, incl the fire screen! Same for BBQ – plus utensils, water, spare gas bottle. Be safe!
Feeding and walking animals – they still need their routines and care time. Also a quiet place to be away from the party.
Before the start – tasks to be done / outsourced
Laying the table – takes much longer than people think. Lay up ONE place setting as you wish it to be when finished – then it can be copied. Put out your serving dishes paper serviettes / labels for location. Children can count out cutlery.
Delegate someone to put out nibbles, crisps, nuts and other snacks or aperitifs.
Delegate someone to put pickles or jams, butter etc into dishes and bowls. Cover with cling film until needed (and possibly stack in fridge).
Request someone pre-scoops icecream into muffin cases and returns them to the freezer! Saves lots of time and mess later. Fun to do.
Parking monitor
Front door welcomer – takes coats, bags. Manages presents / food contributions etc Takes first drinks order.
Have a box by the door for car keys / mobile phones etc if you want a tech-free zone(?) Label it and explain its purpose. Put wifi code on the note if phones are allowed.
Have a senior / disabled guest “manager”/ concierge!. Delegate someone to help manoeuvre / manage / spend time with them. Take their requests, or show them where the quiet room is if they need to decompress from the noise at any time, for instance. Assist with personal care.
Child support Enrol a teenager or group of them to keep an eye on the smaller children – or some doting Aunts! Consider special activities / games and tasks that they can do. NB Feed the younger children FIRST, and keep them hydrated with water, not the sugary, fizzy stuff – or they start bouncing off the walls!
NB WC and bathroom Monitor and cleaner. Have plenty of toilet paper and hand towels (consider disposable for infection control at a larger event) ready. Tablet soap and liquid soap. Also first aid kit. The toilet(s) need to be cleaned and checked EVERY HOUR!
To help the party go well
Have some conversation starters for people to use. eg little Postit notes on plants or dotted about. eg “How are your career plans going?” “Where is you next holiday?” “If you could do ANYTHING – what would it be?” “What do you see yourself doing in the next 5 years?”
Designate someone to intercede and change the subject if there is an always contentious subject brought up eg different football or political alliances. They are the peacemaker.
Designated photographer
Designated drinks / nibbles topper-upper!
After the main meal
Designate someone for tea and coffee duty. Not only preparing the set up but also taking orders and supplying / serving.
Clearing the table
Fill, stack and then empty dishwasher
Hand washing crystal glasses or large dishes and pans.
Drying the above and putting away.
Clearing away the waste into bin.
Designate someone to re-set the table (do one placement as an example) for the next meal. eg napkins, glasses, cutlery
Empty waste and recycling bins, compostable waste.
Designate someone to
tea and coffee duty
Vacuum and sweep under the table and around after each meal, also the reception room. Mop up spills promptly and know where the cleaning products are.
Put used dishcloths / towels, napkins into wash basket.
Further entertainment
Tidying up – use a children’s “pick up” game
Delegate a games manager
Delegate a present/gifts manager – who can also write down a list of what everyone got, and from whom! Thank you notes are welcomed and show gratitude.
Drinks manager, again! Esp for re-sorting the drinks in the fridge / cooler as there may be food in there now.
Have a separate quiet zone for decompressing for seniors / children. The “Nap zone”.
Have medications on hand eg a list for seniors and when/where they are. Rennies or Gaviscon. Paracetamol. Cold compress for bumps.
Other things to consider:
Designated drivers and someone who will get people to leave and in an orderly, safe fashion! Who will manage someone who gets very drunk?
Where will guests sleep if they are staying over – guest room preparation, sleeping bags on sofas, tents etc?? Esp important for children to know what happens next.
If you have found this useful – PLEASE COMMENT below. You are welcome to share as well.
Things to bear in mind that may help:
I hope that your special large event / occasion goes well, without a hitch and that the host(s) gets to enjoy the experience vs rush about stressed and then feel devalued as they have been a martyr!
Delegation can be a mental jump for many, but try it out. Make requests, have a list of tasks folks can do that they can choose and be responsible for.
Contribution is a gift for all concerned, when done well.
(If, after all that, you need an osteopathic service and MOT – make an appointment here!)
Remember I asked you to make a list of how you wanted the event to go? i.e how people will FEEL or the MEMORIES that they will take away with them? Those are the things that stick in the mind. NOT whether the balloons were there cos there wasn’t enough time to blow them up! (Out of sight, out of mind).
As long as there are no major disasters – e.g. turkey thrown casually across the floor and someone slipped on the fat – everyone will enjoy themselves
People want to help and are willing, usually. One of my family mottos is ” all muck in.” They just need to be asked and directed to things. Hence list on fridge to refer to etc.
If you have cooked – you don’t wash up! Someone gets you a drink and entertains you!
Relax – it is just a few hours and then they will be gone / the food will be eaten and the drink consumed.
Congratulate yourself. Thank others for their contribution.
© Gayle Palmer / Living Elements Clinic / Chichester Self Catering 2023.
