Little eyes and little ears – remember the children

10 Sep

Be aware of little eyes and ears… they take in more than you think.

They also want explanations…

I hope that this helps parents and yourself.

No matter how you feel about the monarchy; a family lost their much loved matriarch and many around the world will be mourning the loss of a strong woman who was a constant in turbulent times.

The following days could prove unsettling to children and adults alike. There is a sense of collective grief amongst those in the UK (and Commonwealth), television and radio programmes will change, there will be constant sombre music and talk of death and funerals. All of this coming at a time of societal change and with children starting or returning to school. 10 days is a long time in the life of a child.

What’s the best way to handle this with children?

I’m a firm believer in not shielding children from death. I don’t think we do them justice in trying to protect them from it. Grief and big changes are very unsettling but especially for children who can take many things literally. Their sense of reality comes without pre-screening and experience. It is raw and trusted without thought.

If we don’t talk to them about it somebody else will; such as a a friend in the school playground, or they will overhear a conversation.

When somebody dies, whether in our close family or someone who played an important role in our life – like the Queen, we should take time to sit and explain to our children what has happened, using simple, child friendly language. Avoid using ambiguous terms such as “passed away”, “went to heaven” (conversations about religious and spiritual beliefs can happen later), or “gone to sleep”, instead be clear that the Queen has died; actively use the term death.

It’s natural for children to ask questions, try to answer them as honestly and accurately as possible, however uncomfortable or inappropriate they may feel to you. It’s also natural for them to worry about you, or others close to them dying, here try to reassure them, but again be honest. It is always good to have a few children’s books to hand which can help you to explain death to younger children.

Children may like to process their feelings and remember the Queen by drawing pictures, or writing about her (this is akin to us as adults writing in a book of condolence).

If you’re upset at the news (or it has triggered past grief in you), don’t feel that you have to hide your emotions, again it’s good for children to see us grieving. Similarly, it is more than appropriate for children to be allowed to watch the funeral on television if they – or you – would like to.

I would urge caution about how much time you have the radio or TV on in the fore or background though. So much repeated upset can cause damage to everyone’s wellbeing and mental stability. Watch highlights or special events.

Life does continue. Dwelling in the sadness helps no one.

Much love to everyone during this time of official mourning, it’s going to be a strange, sad and discombobulating period for many (in times that are already tricky).

Remember the good times, there have been so many.

Keep yourself buoyed up whilst acknowledging what has happened.

Lastly, if you or family and friends are finding the seismic change especially hard to manage, please remember that I can help you, using change technology, to process and understand your emotions and reactions by using Time Line Therapy® and NLP®. Often you can be reactivated to past traumas as they never got resolved and completed. If you need some help please reach out to Gayle, don’t keep on “thinking” about it – that changes nothing!

Xxx with love, Gayle

Long Live King Charles III.

To make an appointment with Gayle – book in here https://living-elements-clinic.cliniko.com/bookings

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